What's my job title? (And other existential questions.)

I generate new things out of nothing. I stare down chaos and create order. I curate, I destroy, I search for meaning and newness. I look for ways to fund my maniacal desire to paint larger - but I don't know why I want to paint bigger. I have magic and I look for new ways to get paid for my magic. I ask bigger questions than I can figure out on my own.

As an artist I struggle to define my job title. I struggle to explain exactly where I want to go and why I mean to go there.  Why is it important? Who do I serve? And how do I succinctly explain something that feels so expansive to me?

When I decided to pursue my art full-time, I left a corporate job that included a clearly defined set of goals and responsibilities.  I spent several months reeling in the possibilities and the wide-open options.  I was not an arrow. I was the hands on a clock and I spun around in 360 degrees, ending where I started at the beginning of the day.  I told everyone that I was a freelance graphic artist.

But I gradually listened to the quiet stirring in my fingers.  I watched the birds outside my studio window and considered how the Lord provides for them.  I worked hard (and continue to work) to trust Him to provide for me in the same way.  I considered a direction and became more focused on my path.  I tried to stop my clock hands and point towards a single goal.  I wrote constantly: jumbled questions that I'm still sorting through.

Artists have a variety of job titles including creative director, founder, CFO, and marketing manager. I specialize in website development, e commerce, product design, customer service, and content creation.  I'm learning to embrace each of these job titles with the joy and excitement that comes from having something bigger than a job.  I have a mission and a message that is uniquely mine, and that makes me more than a freelancer - it makes me an Artist. 

 

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